Angsty stuff

As I sit here munching on potato chips with my healthy-eating resolve gone down the drain, (yes I did plan to have only nutritious food this week, but what the heck. I can't do it!!) I'm also attempting to dust away the cobwebs obliterating my blog. Yeeees I've not blogged for eons. Come to think of it, I've not been online for eons squared. Sometimes it's just curious how you just suddenly lose interest in something which meant so much to you in the past. Like, poof, it became nothingness (not coco-crunch). That hollow in the pits of your stomach where something used to fill it (other than food). That thing you think you've forgotten, but how could you have forgotten if you haven't forgotten to remember? Somewhere along those lines. Haha you'll ask which line. And I'll say I dunno too, because I'm having a hard time figuuring myself out. HaiZ.

Gah. Why is it that the more you yearn for something the further it is from your grasp. Or why does willing hard for something not to happen yields the opposite effect. Sometimes all you need is that sturdy pillar you know will always be there for you to lean on, but what happens when it falls? Suddenly you'll have this sinking realisation that things have changed, that nothing's gonna be the same anymore.

Then there's the matter of feeling helpless in the face of unwanted advances. Why can't things remain the same? The status quo was fine with me, but the crossing of that fine line between change and the past was not. I really wonder. If letting go is the cause of your troubles, then why choose to get entangled in this mess in the first place? And you'll never know whether letting go would do you good, unless you tried. It's all about taking that first step. Once the hurdle's crossed, you'll realise things will just... flow. I dunno.

I sound like I'm chiding someone. K I am... how I wish I could shake this person up real hard and say all the above in his face. Oh well.